Discovering My Americanism

I'm a person who's pretty in tune with their personal identity. I've been through dozens of hours of RA training and have read endless works from people both like and unlike me about what it means to identify as something and how those identities steer your existence. Before leaving for Germany, we had to do an activity where we wrote down all of our identities on a sheet of paper. The task was to name at least 6; I named 33.

Up to this point, I'd taken a magnifying glass up to most of my identities: my race, my age, my body type and ability, my gender, my sexual orientation, my class, my relationship status--you name it. However, one thing I hadn't really been able to analyze before was my American identity; that single identity that has steered my perception of myself in society, my view of history, my understanding of the world... all because of where I was born and raised.

I knew that my identity as an American ran deep. There's no escaping my clear, midwestern accent; my friendly, suburban-American demeanor; my smile, perfected by years of dental work deemed necessary by the culture in which I grew up. I believe(d) that the United States was a force for good--and only good--because that's all I was ever taught. I'm comfortable shouting "USA! USA! USA!" when the right moment arises, and hot dogs and hamburgers are my lifeblood. English was my only language for a long time, and I felt proud of my clumsy skills in German because, hey, bilingualism is rare and difficult to achieve, right?

I've only been in Germany for a month, but it's astonishing how quickly my Americanism has gone, in my own perspective, from a blessing to a curse. That's not to say my perspective only began to shift once I got here--since Trump was elected, I had been asking myself if being an American is really all it's cracked up to be. I concluded that yes, there is some merit to being American besides the obvious perks of living in a 1st world country and being fluent in English. I told myself that America stands for justice, for freedom, for peace; that our intelligently orchestrated political system would work out our problems in due time; and that there's more to being an American than whoever currently holds the Presidency. I told myself that America's ideology would save the country from its wretched past and tumultuous present, and most importantly, that I should be proud to be an American.

Coming to Germany (another 1st-world, predominately-white country occasionally indistinguishable from America) has altered my perspective on my Americanism irreversibly. It's changed how I think of my country, my American values, and myself. One month in, and I'm glad I look like everyone else here so that they can't guess my heritage. I'm breathing a massive sigh of relief that I don't have to wear one of my most deeply embedded identities if I don't want to.

I've started to learn how Germans understand the US. They are frustrated by stereotypical American obnoxiousness, and they perceive our friendly how-do-you-dos as superficial. They think the way we beat around the bush when we speak comes across as wishy-washy and fake. They are befuddled by our patriotism and emphasis on personal freedom. Most of all, they are fascinated, confused, and horrified by our politics. But that's not surprising--I am, too.

America is not alone it its political drama, however: Germany is currently in the midst of election season. The upcoming vote is for the Bundestag, or German parliament. This year, there's a lot of controversy surrounding the AfD (Alternative für Deutschland/Alternative for Germany) because it's the first time a far-right party will have a voice in the modern German parliament. That's a big deal! Since the beginning of the refugee crisis, Germany has been struggling with achieving a balance between recognizing right-wing nationalist viewpoints as part of a democracy and remembering its painful and horrifying history under a right-wing dictator. Arguably, Germans should have their gaze turned inward; their focus shifted towards answering their own complex political questions.

You know what they're focused on?

"The true face of Donald Trump"
Aug. 9, 2017

Shocking, isn't it?

Now, Der Spiegel (The Mirror) is a liberal magazine known for reporting on government scandals. But, let me remind you, Germany is in the middle of an election. And not just any election, but an election where a far-right political party has the potential to gain parliamentary seats and influence actual policy for the first time since WWII. 

Why, then, are they talking about the American president?

In fact, they aren't just talking about the US now. They've been talking about us. 

"The End of the World (as we know it)"
Nov. 12, 2017

Well, you can read this yourself.
April 2, 2017

"Deathmatch: Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un risk Nuclear War"
April 22, 2017

Again: Der Spiegel's politics stand firmly left of center (However, by American standards, most German politics are fairly left). Der Speigel is one of the most widely published magazines in Europe. Every day, hundreds of thousands of people see these images. Every day, Germans wonder what on Earth is going on across the pond. And my job as a representative in Germany is to tell them.

How do I do that? How do I even begin to explain that yes, my home country is going through a really horrible, painful, racist rough patch and yes, I am embarrassed by the President and his administration... but also yes, I am proud to be an American... was proud to be an American? Where have the American principals in which I had so much pride gone? How do I explain my belief in the US when all of its actions fly in the face of my idea of America itself?

Long story short, I have literally no idea. I don't know how to answer these questions. I am, however, thankful to be in Germany right now. Not because I want to be away from the US, but because only by being here could I have ever taken that magnifying glass to my American identity. Right now, there is no other people scrutinizing the US more than the Germans. They're asking harder questions than I could have ever asked myself. They're making me hate that I once passively believed anything good (or bad!) about America, and I love it. Although it's been uncomfortable at times, I feel so lucky to have seen part of my worldview from an entirely different perspective. I still do hold out hope for the American political system, but from a much more nuanced perspective. 

It's not just differences in politics that have caused me frustration, either. It's been a culmination of societal differences. For example:

• Everyone here speaks at least German and fairly good English. A young person here probably speaks at least three languages, as the EU believes that everyone should ideally know their native language plus two more. Granted, America isn't in close contact with many other countries, which would necessitate that we learn another language from an early age. However, learning another language leads to stronger critical thinking skills and stronger inter-cultural understanding. Also, since the population of Hispanic, Spanish-speaking people in America is rapidly increasing, we should absolutely be teaching that in schools across the country from the start. Maybe then we'll stop patting ourselves on the back as soon as we conquer high school language classes and start actually learning to communicate with other cultures.
• Recycling is actually a priority for pretty much everyone. Waste management is absolutely horrible in the States, and coming here and seeing everyone pay attention to where their trash goes (without complaining!) has done nothing but make me more frustrated with the our lack of any sort of circular economy. This also ties into:
• People think systematically and about the long-term consequences of their actions. Americans think more about their own personal freedoms rather than how their actions fit into the greater scheme of things, and that's especially annoying to me as a person who cares about sustainability. Soon, America won't be able to save itself from an environmentally devastating future.

There's more that is done better here than it is in the States, but I think my blood pressure would rise too much if I wrote it all out. Likewise, there are things done in the US that function better than they do in Germany (hint: customer service), but I'm focusing on things that finally brought me to question my American pride.  Now, that's not to say I hate America. I don't. Like I said before, I still hold out hope for my own country, but I now have a much harder time not rolling my eyes when someone says the USA is the "greatest country in the world," because there is so much we could be doing better, and it's never been easier for me to see that.

It's amazing what a little time abroad can do for you, especially in a country so similar yet so different from your own. I know that I will come back from this experience feeling a little less American, and I'm okay with that. Actually, I embrace it. Though I'm just now getting used to my changes in perspective, I'm already excited to get home and share with Americans what it's like to have an outsider's perspective on your American identity. 

It's amazing what a little travel can do for you, isn't it?